just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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