How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
