wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
