Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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