You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
