i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
