i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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