I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
