He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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