I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
