At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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