At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
