Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
