It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I came so hard my ears popped.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
