"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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