I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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