I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
