There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I touched a dick in church today
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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