Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
