You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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