their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
