dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
