the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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