I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
