I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
