Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
