"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
