Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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