I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
