I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
