This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
