Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
