you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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