Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
