Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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