everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize