you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
