was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
