You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i will never coherently bang her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
