I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she smelled like a LAN party
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think people are normalizing furries
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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