Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
