Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And then he peed in my hair
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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