my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
