My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
