I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
