I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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