great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
