Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
