I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
