Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
