If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
