bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
