All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
home. puking in laundry basket.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
