OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize