At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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