he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
