His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
