you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Found the puke drawer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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