Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
