Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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