Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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