I faked an abortion last night.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
