I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
