**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
