did you get engaged???
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
