...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
