I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
