dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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