Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
