So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
