I accidentally had phone sex last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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