wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
