I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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